rain_n_snow: (layin in a field)
[personal profile] rain_n_snow

Jensen reads the last note over and over. Maybe whoever writes the notes is embarrassed to be his friend. Wants to be nice but doesn’t want to be seen with him. His heart sinks a little and he doesn’t know what to write this time. He goes to bed still dwelling on these thoughts and what he wants to say next.

They continue exchanging notes for the next two weeks, and learn each other’s likes and interests, even coming to discuss dreams and future plans. They begin discussing where each is thinking about going to college.

Receiving the notes every afternoon is the highlight of most of Jensen’s days. A few people have started saying hello to him in the halls, and he responds quietly, and is always watching for a look that might give away who he has begun to become so attached to through post it notes.

One afternoon just a few weeks into school, Jensen has just sat down in his usual spot and hasn’t even read his newest communication when a shadow falls over him. He looks up to see the hot guy who has smiled at him a few times and even said ‘hello’ once or twice.

“Hi.” He smiles now, white teeth gleaming in that almost perfect face, blue eyes shining down at Jensen. “Can I sit down?”

Jensen pushes his glasses up on his nose and scoots to the side slightly, burying his note surreptitiously in his bookbag as he does. He almost groans aloud. Why does today have to be the day his contacts just refused to cooperate? Just his luck.
“I’m Jensen.” He offers, his lips quirking up at the edges. No way this is ‘note guy’. Jensen has never had luck that good.

“Tom.” He takes Jensen’s offered hand. “Nice to meet you, Jensen.”

Jared feels like someone has dropped an elephant on his chest. He had just caught his breath from watching Jensen cross the lawn and noticing his glasses. He had been unable to watch Jensen today in class, since he had been behind him in the same row just a few seats back. But once he spotted him wearing his glasses he stopped dead in his tracks. He never knew he had such a thing for guys in glasses. But hell, he also had no idea Jensen could get any hotter, so today was full of revelations.

Then Tom…fucking Tom Welling has to go and talk to Jensen. Sit down with him and stare at him in those glasses. Turn the full weight of the Welling charm and dazzling looks on for his Jensen. He has the nerve Jared hasn’t been able to conjure up. He is sitting so close to Jensen their knees are practically brushing and he is looking at him like he might just lean in and take a bite out of him. Fuck.

Jared knows he isn’t being subtle like all the other days he has watched Jensen reading. He isn’t pretending to talk to anyone else. He is just staring. Trying to call on some previously unrecognized power of laserbeam eyes to burn a hole in Tom, maybe catch his perfect fucking hair on fire. Watching Jensen smile and even laugh a little as they talk. He wants to walk over and pull Jensen away physically. Well, once Tom is on fire or has laserbeam holes in him, Jensen will probably move away quickly anyway.

But Jensen isn’t noticing because he is enthralled apparently. Jensen had asked Jared to come talk to him and Jared had been unable to find his balls, obviously, and now his chances of getting anywhere near Jensen have severely diminished, he knows.

Jensen was enjoying talking to Tom. Hell, what was not to like? Tom was funny and charming and certainly wasn’t hurting his eyes any. He had figured out within the first few minutes that Tom was not his note sending friend just from the initial conversation. But it was nice to have a real conversation anyway. He also wasn’t sure of Tom’s intentions. He didn’t know if he was making a new friend or if he was being flirted with. He was really bad at this gay thing. Surely someone who had known he was gay since he was twelve should be better at it than this, right?

The weekend felt like torture. Jared spent most of it picturing Tom and Jensen holding hands and laughing, then convinced himself they were probably already fucking. They were discovering their huge epic gay love and he just wanted to use a spork to end his own misery.

Tom was one of the few guys in school who was openly gay. Sure, it wasn’t a huge deal and Jared knew for sure several other guys were. Some because he had made out with one who told him about a few others, and a couple because Tom had been seen out with them. And hell, Tom was fucking gorgeous. Not ’Jensen perfect, world changing gorgeous’, but still. And what was not to love, so of course Jensen probably already did. Jared wished he were more limber so he could kick his own ass for not talking to Jensen instead of sending him douchey post-it notes for the last few weeks. What the fuck had he been thinking? Of course someone was going to snatch him up.

The saddest thing was that Jared felt like he knew Jensen better than some of the kids he had been going to school with for years. He just had felt an instant connection. He told Jensen things and felt like he was understood. He had been popular all his life, because he was fun and outgoing and made people want to hang around. But he also spent so much time feeling alone and lonely because almost every relationship he had felt surface and without meaning. He was still scared to come out to everyone. The only people who knew were his family and his best friend, Chad. But Chad had moved two years ago, and so they never even got to see each other. Their communications had been relegated to emails and texts with the occasional phone call, because neither of them were phone people.

When he sat down Monday afternoon, Jensen was sad not to see a note waiting for him. He wanted to sift through the leaves more thoroughly, but didn’t want to look incredibly stupid, so he did it as subtly as possible, but no, nothing. He felt like an idiot for being so upset by it. He smiled when Tom came by to sit with him again, and eventually put his disappointment aside and tried to enjoy the company.

Jared had tried to rush out of his last class, hoping to catch Jensen before he sat down, or at least before Tom reached him. But Mr. Manners was obviously being paid off by Tom and stopped him to comment on his research paper, thus delaying him long enough that Tom was firmly ensconced in Jensen’s company by the time he made it outside. He kinda felt like crying, and that was as lame as anything he could think of. He didn’t stay to see Tom moving into the place he most wanted to be…Jensen’s life.

“Ummm, thanks.” Jensen’s voice was quiet, and Danneel was walking close so she could hear him over the chaos that was the school hallway after last period. “But…well, I’m kinda seeing someone. Well, I mean…there is someone…” He just left it hanging there.

Danneel had just asked Jensen to the spring homecoming dance, certain he was going to jump at the chance to date one of the most attractive, popular girls at JFK High. Danneel looked at him with surprise obvious in her eyes, maybe even disbelief. But she smiled at him as she replied, “Oh, I had no idea. I mean…I never see you with anyone. Does she go to another school?”

Jensen looked slightly panicked for a moment and then just said, “It’s kinda new…I mean. I dunno…I… well, I don’t really want to talk about it, but I’m hoping.”

Neither Jensen nor Jared felt confident that Jensen could formulate a full sentence. Jensen felt like a tool and Jared would have found it endearing if the words that didn’t form whole sentences hadn’t still made him feel like his heart was being chewed by rabid dogs. Damn Tom and his ability to speak to the object of his affections while Jared wrote idiocy on small yellow squares of paper.

“So did you hear that the new kid, Jensen went out with Tom?” Danneel sighed. Why were all the hottest guys gay around this lameass school anyway?

Sandy smiled slightly, “Yeah, I heard. They would certainly make a gorgeous couple.” She heaved a dramatic sigh. “Such beautiful assbabies.”

“Whatever. Is Jared still asexual or what?” Danneel sounded catty, but smiled at Sandy. She wasn’t intending to be bitchy, but a date in the foreseeable future would be nice and there weren’t a lot of guys she either hadn’t dismissed as not worthy or just not interesting to start with in the whole school.

Giggling softly, Sandy shook her head. “Uhh, Jared is just…Jared. I think he will hold out and then be the guy that falls madly in love forever. He’s just not much into dating just for dating’s sake, ya know?”

Jared listened from a few people back, trying to catch everything being said again. He knew about Tom and Jensen, but it still felt like a cheese grater being dragged all along his exposed heart. He wanted Jensen. He didn’t have a good explanation of why since he hardly knew him, hadn’t ever actually spoken to him, but the connection was there…the one he had waited for for so long. Fuck.

Tom brushed past him and teasingly inserted himself between Danneel and Sandy, openly flirting as per his usual and Jared veered off to another hall, sick to his stomach from looking at Mr. Has Everything I Want being his sickening self.

Several days later Jensen sat under the tree, book open as Jared threw wide the school door and headed out. It was later than he usually left and very few people were left on campus. He wondered why Tom wasn’t already up Jensen’s ass. Ugh. Now that thought was imbedded in his brain and seared behind his eyes. Oh well, whatever.

He decided it was time. Time to at least say hi. No more pressure now that they could only be friends. He felt stupid now but figured he had nothing to lose by saying hello in person and knowing Jensen was taken. He screwed his courage to the sticking point and headed over, pasting a huge smile on his face.

“Hi. I’m Jared.” Jared stopped, effectively blocking the sun from Jensen’s face as he turned to look up at him. Fuck. Up close Jared could see his freckles and he lost his certainty that he would be able to act like a human being and not an ass.
Jensen just stared up at him for longer than was socially acceptable and Jared felt his breathing hitch. If Jensen couldn’t even be bothered to speak to him, this was going to be worse than anything he had previously imagined.

“Hi.” Jensen finally replied, “Jensen.” He started to stand.

Jared waved him back down and flopped down as he asked, “Care if I sit with you?”

Jensen huffed out a laugh and shook his head, “Not at all.”

Jared wasn’t sure what he was going to say now. Jensen was no longer looking at him, and his face was slightly flushed, making his freckles stand out even more. He glanced down and his breathing hitched a bit as he noticed Jensen was reading ‘The Great Gatsby’. Not that it really meant anything, but he felt like it was a connection they shared.

“My favorite.” Jared indicated the novel sitting on top of Jensen’s backpack.

Jensen sighed lightly and smiled. “It’s really good.” Then he looked back at Jared as he wondered for a moment…but no. Jensen felt stupid for even wondering. Jared would never need to write notes to someone as lame as Jensen just to get to know him. So Jensen just smiled again and looked away.

“So, I hear you are dating Tom Welling.” Jared sucked in an audible gasp and glanced around as if to see who had said something so stupid before turning bright red. What the hell was wrong with him? He glanced up, hoping to see a meteor heading for East LA. No such luck.

Jensen looked taken aback. News travelled fast apparently, and got skewed as well. “No.” He started to elaborate and paused.

“Oh.” Jared wanted more information. “No?”

“We went out once, but…I think…I mean…it was just as friends…I think. I mean, I’m kinda seeing someone else, or well…hoping for more with someone…”
Jensen felt like forcefully jamming something in his mouth to stop the verbal diarrhea. He had officially spoken to the most gorgeous guy in school for two minutes now and he sounded like a total idiot. Fuck.

“What? I mean…I heard you tell Danneel that you were seeing someone, but…I assumed since you have been with Tom…” Jared watched Jensen’s beautiful face as he flushed yet again. He wanted to reach out and feel the heat of that blush under his fingertips.

Jensen sighed and ran a hand through his hair, ducking his head. Then he seemed to make a decision and reached into his messenger bag, pulling out a ziplock bag of what Jared immediately recognized as post-it notes. Jared’s stomach swooped and his heart started to beat erratically as hope soared at the implication.

“It’ll probably just sound stupid.” Jensen’s voice was soft and quiet and Jared leaned in closer to listen. “I just…well, someone has been leaving me notes and…well, I kinda feel like I owe it to them not to date someone. That doesn’t even make sense…because I’m not dating him…or her.” His already small voice tapered off to nothing.

Jared wanted to whoop out loud as the pieces truly started to fit together. “But you want to?” He suggested, a wealth of hope infused in the small question. He tried to play it cool but was looking at Jensen with such longing, he knew he was obvious.

Jensen couldn’t look directly at Jared, so he missed the look that would have reassured him. “I know it’s stupid. I just…felt like someone finally got me, ya know? Like for once someone understood how I feel and cared to listen even just in stupid notes.”

The desire to reach out and hug was almost overwhelming and Jared’s heart and insides were pinging with excitement. He was practically thrumming with it.

Jensen glanced up, feeling the electricity in the air and saw Jared reach into his own backpack, feeling around without looking away from Jensen. He drew out an envelope and his smile was blinding as he flipped it open and handed it to Jensen.

Jensen forced his gaze away from that beautiful captivating smile and his heart squeezed almost painfully before he even had the envelope in his hand. He could see the small pieces of paper inside, their yellow so very familiar and now so important to him.

Jared realized he was holding his breath despite the fact that he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face as beautiful green eyes raised to his own, full of hope and feeling.

“You?” Jensen breathed.

“Disappointed?” Jared ducked his head a bit, afraid of the reaction despite evidence to the contrary.

Jensen realized his mouth was hanging open and he closed his mouth with a click of teeth. “Disappointed? Yeah right.” He laughed self-consciously, wishing he could see Jared’s eyes. “You aren’t just messing with me, right? I mean, you really do want to be my friend?”

Jared looked up quickly, leaning in without realizing it. “No." He saw Jensen's shoulders flinch. "I mean, no, I’m not messing with you. I do want to be your friend. Of course I do.”

“But you are always with a ton of girls. You said you feel lonely and like no one understands you. That you get how I feel. How could you?” Jensen’s clear green eyes bored into Jared’s, begging to be understood, to be cared about, not to be made fun of.

Jared wanted to hold him. To wrap him up in a warm blanket and hold him like a baby. But Jensen was a guy and he figured that was not an option. He mentally shook his head to rid himself of the impossible image.

Jared stopped, close enough to feel Jensen’s breath on his face. “Yeah, but no one really knows me. I have lots of friends, sure. I hang out with everyone. But they just know me as ‘fun Jared’. Not Jared who likes to read classic novels and wants to paint, who likes to watch the sunrise and listen to music while he falls asleep. I’m not just the Jared that laughs and acts silly and plays video games. Which, by the way, I am a master at.” Jared grinned, dimples winking. Then looks serious and a little sad. “I feel lonely all the time, because no one really knows me.”

Jensen’s breath caught, a combination of Jared being close enough to kiss and the realization that he knew the other Jared, and he said so, his voice a quiet rasp. “I do. I know that part of you.”

Jared smiled, and lit up all the dark corners of Jensen’s life.

“So…” Jared said as they walked toward Jensen’s house a few days later. “You went out with Tom.”

Jensen’s brows drew together as he turned to glance at Jared over their entwined hands. “Yeah, I guess. It was just one date. Two if you count coffee one Saturday afternoon.”

Jared knew he was being a jealous douche, but he couldn’t help himself. “Did you kiss him?”

Jensen hesitated for a moment, just to tease Jared. “Well…” He wondered if goading Jared would possibly push him to finally kiss Jensen.

Jared stopped, pulling hard on Jensen’s hand to get him to stop as well. “Seriously?” He looked a bit stricken and Jensen opened his mouth to deny and smooth over Jared’s hurt feelings.

But Jared leaned in then, pulling Jensen to him, and wrapping one large hand around Jensen’s hip, the other coming up to cup the back of his head. And his lips captured Jensen’s. It was like all the clichéd stupid things Jared had ever heard about kissing. He felt like his heart stuttered, or stopped. He thought he heard bells or saw fireworks. He was sure time stood still. It was perfect, Jensen tasted like…well, Jensen he guessed. He was sure it was a taste he would never tire of, and was instantly addicted to.

Jensen whimpered slightly, leaning closer and slanting his head to get more. Jared slipped his tongue into Jensen’s mouth and tangled with his. Jensen was pulling on Jared’s hair now, both hands wrapped in the long strands. Jared groaned.

When they finally pulled apart, Jared looked dazed and Jensen was silent for long moments. Then he shook himself slightly and looked up and into Jared’s eyes. “No.”

Jared looked scared for a moment. That had felt perfect to him, had been life altering, if that wasn’t too overly dramatic. But Jensen…well…Jensen didn’t like it? Or didn’t want to do it again…he would have to figure a way to change his mind, because that was not going to be the last time he experienced that kiss. He would….

Jensen smiled, running his knuckles over Jared’s flushed cheekbone. “No, Tom and I didn’t kiss.”

Jared huffed out a laugh, because that was two good answers in one short sentence. He didn’t have to hate Tom for experiencing something this incredible with his Jensen, and Jensen apparently wasn’t saying he didn’t want to kiss Jared again. In fact, he looked like he might be as moved as Jared had been, if the stunned look in his eyes was any indication.

“Good.” Jared sounded entirely too serious, so Jensen leaned in, pressing his body against Jared’s again, feeling the heat flood through him as he tipped his head up to capture that mouth again.

Jensen licked along the seam of Jared’s lips, asking for entrance, which Jared immediately gave, with a gasp of pleasure.

Neither was sure how long they stood there on the sidewalk, learning the other’s taste and feel. Finally they broke apart, slightly breathless. Jared rested his forehead against Jensen’s, smile beaming as he ran questing fingers over the soft fabric of Jensen’s shirt and under the edge at the waistband of his jeans, skin warm and smooth under his fingertips.

Jensen just looked up at him, heart in his eyes. His own hands sifting softly through the hair at Jared’s collar.



Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
Account name:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.


Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.


rain_n_snow: (Default)

November 2016


Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 18th, 2017 06:11 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios