Just Don't Give Up on Me 13/20

[rain_n_snow]

Jensen came into the kitchen wearing just a pair of low slung sleep pants that Jared recognized as his own, scrubbing his face with a hand, eyes squinted at the bright light. Jared was pretty sure he had never seen anything sexier. Until Jensen slipped his glasses onto his nose and glanced up to grin at Jared sleepily. The flip his heart and belly did at that sight convinced Jared that nothing could be hotter or more endearing than a newly woken Jensen.

“Morning.” Jensen whispered as he slipped up close to Jared and wrapped his arms around the taller man, head dropping to rest on his pectoral. “You weren’t in bed.” He sounded a little disgruntled and thoroughly adorable.

“Had to take the dogs out. You were so out of it you didn’t even budge when I got up.” Jared wrapped his own arms around Jensen, one hand going to rake through the soft tousled hair tickling his lips.

Jensen’s nose twitched and he lifted his head to glance at the coffee maker. Jared grinned when he saw that he had lost much of Jensen’s attention to the smell of his favorite drink. He reached behind himself and pulled a mug out of the cabinet. “Shoulda known you came for the coffee and not me.”

Jensen grunted as he watched Jared pour him a cup without moving away. “Ha. No, but if you want me to wake up enough to enjoy you….”

“Then by all means…” Jared encouraged, pushing the cup into Jensen’s hands and stepping away a bit. “I’m gonna go take a shower. See you in a little while?”

Looking forward to spending a whole weekend with Jared, Jensen smiled from the rim of his coffee mug as he watched him turn to leave. Damn but Jared had a gorgeous ass. Jensen wanted to follow him to the shower and explore every inch of it. But he didn’t. Maybe they needed to spend some time together that didn’t revolve completely around sex. Not that he intended to waste the whole weekend going without, but still.

Jensen knows Jared will take forever to shower, he has time to finish his coffee and still finish a shower before Jared does. He could hear Jared as the shower started and the singing began. He grinned and leaned against the counter as his heart swelled just a little more. He realized there was no denying how in love he is with this man. He feels overwhelmed with it sometimes. Like he could just wrap himself up in Jared and never come out. Despite his fear of being left behind, Jensen is in deep, not only deeper than he has ever been but also deeper than he ever expected he could be.

Jared meant pretty much everything to him. He couldn’t imagine his life without him now, and as scary as it is, he can’t step away, can only hope to keep himself from losing himself to a point he can never come back from when Jared decides he has had enough. For now he just tries to think of ways to keep Jared interested, keep him.

They spent the day wrapped together on the couch, watching television and enjoying the closeness. Jared smiled and placed a kiss to the top of Jensen’s head, breathing in his scent. “Love the way you smell, Jen. You know? I think I could pick out your smell anywhere.”

“It’s that coconut shampoo you buy. So girly.” Jensen tried to play off the deep longing he felt at the words.

“Hey, no one says you have to use it. You can buy any shampoo you want for your bathroom. You love it.” He nudged Jensen. “But that’s not what I mean. I mean you. Your smell. Under all the rest, the shampoo and soap and cologne, it’s you. And it’s so much better than all those other smells.”

Jensen enjoys Jared nosing into his hair, pulling his arms tighter around him, snuggling in. He was a girl, he wasn’t sure why he was teasing Jared. He turned his face and kissed the skin above Jared’s open collar, licking along his collarbone. “I love you, J.”

Realizing what had just come out of his mouth, Jensen tensed and was out of Jared’s arms and off the couch, heading toward his own bedroom in a flash. Fuck. Fuck how had that happened? He knew it was too soon, might never be the right time. Why couldn’t he have kept his stupid mouth shut. Just this morning he had been thinking he couldn’t push too hard, had to find ways to keep Jared, and he had ruined it in a few seconds flat. He slammed his door behind him, and sank down with his back against it.

“Jensen!” Jared tried the door knob, then knocked urgently.”Jen? Come on. Open up. I need to see you, come on.”

“No. I’m sorry, J. I fuck up everything.” Jensen felt his heart squeeze painfully. The last thing he wanted was to look into Jared’s eyes as he ‘let him down easy’. “Can’t we just pretend I didn’t say it. I didn’t mean it. It just came out.”

“Open the fucking door.” Jared was starting to sound angry.

Jensen realized he was hiding in his room like an emo teenager and took a deep breath, opening the door. “Hey J.” He addressed Jared, but didn’t look directly at him.

“Could you look at me, please?” Jared stepped close, crowding Jensen against the wall without touching him. “Jen.”

The commanding tone and body language gave Jensen’s cock a twitch, despite his misery. He looked up, steeling himself for the pain he knew was coming, the inevitable letdown.

The uncertainty in Jensen’s eyes made Jared close his eyes momentarily. Jensen misinterpreted the gesture and tried to push past Jared, but Jared wasn’t moving. “No. You aren’t running again, Jen. What the hell? Who hurt you so much that you can’t even face me after telling me you love me?”

Jensen put on a stoic face, “Look, it’s not like that. I just said it, Jare. It was…”

“Don’t do that. Don’t.” Jared stepped even closer, pressing against Jensen. “Don’t cheapen something like this. If you really don’t mean it, fine. But if you do, please don’t ruin it. This…it’s….”

Jensen watched Jared’s face and saw need and his own uncertainty. “You’re right. I love you, Jared. Love you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t love me, or whatever. Just…don’t stop…I can’t lose your friendship, ok? Please?”

“Jensen. I love you. God, you are killing me. I love you, have for so long. Why would you even think…fuck. I love you, and the fact that you love me? Makes me the luckiest guy…seriously? How are you so…oblivious?”

Jensen sagged against Jared, unable to fully comprehend what had just happened. “J? Really?” He cupped Jared’s jaw with his hand. “I don’t know. I just…I don’t think anyone has ever…”

“No way. I can’t even…damn. Do you know you? Have you seen you? How could anyone not love you? I’ve loved you for so long. I just couldn’t help it.” Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen, leaning his forehead against Jensen’s. “In some way I’ve loved you since I met you.”

Jensen scoffs and Jared grips his chin, “I’m not saying I was in love with you in the beginning, but you have been important to me in some way since the beginning. I felt an instant connection to you. I immediately wanted to be close to you, to know you. You became my best friend in like no time. That was amazing. I’ve never felt so comfortable and easy with anyone in my whole life. I’m not exactly sure when I actually fell in love with you, but I do know that you have been the most important person in my life for a long long time. And now, I definitely love you, I’m in love with you.”

Jensen’s tentative, spreading smile was like the sun peeking over the horizon after a long dark night. Jared felt warmed by it. “I love you too, Jared. So damn much. I’ve been too scared to tell you, but yeah. Love you.”

Neither was aware how it happened but they found themselves in Jensen’s bed moments later, and spent the better part of the next two days loving each other thoroughly, open and loving in a way they hadn’t been before.


chap 14




master post/all chaps here