Just Don't Give Up on Me 7/20
Feb. 7th, 2011 12:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
“Mmpfh?”
Jensen chuckled softly, “Sorry, Jare, even after all this time, I have no idea what that means. Coffee? Don’t worry, I sugared it up til the spoon stood up by itself, so you should be able to drink it. Plus it’s pretty cooled off, for your delicate little mouth.” He smiled almost shyly as Jared’s head appeared above the blankets finally, hair a wild mess, “Sorry, your huge ass mouth.” He corrected.
The smile Jensen received was brighter than the sunlight spilling across the floor, doing its best to reach the bed they occupied, fingers almost succeeding in the last few minutes. Jared sat up, eyes never straying from Jensen’s own bed-tousled head and flushed face as he reached for the offered cup. Damn, Jensen was wearing his glasses. Jared was always shocked at how hot he found those glasses on Jensen’s perfect face. “Thanks, Jen. Despite the mouth comments, I appreciate it.” He glanced at the bedside clock. “Since when are you up this early?”
Jensen shrugged, eyes on his coffee again. “Just slept heavy I guess. Slept good,” his voice trailed off, “besides, your dogs were flailing all over this morning. Can’t believe it didn’t wake you up, bad daddy that you are.”
“Oh man, thanks for letting them out. Guess I kinda forgot their usual last pee before bed.” He sipped his coffee, trying to get a feel for the lay of the land this morning. Jensen seemed unruffled, if a bit reserved. No, not really reserved. Shy maybe? It was endearing as hell, and more welcome because of his previous fears about the outcome of last night and how today could have turned out.
Jensen was perched on the edge of the bed as if prepared to make a run for it should things go south or get too deep. Jared didn’t like that plan, so he leaned back against the headboard, rearranging the covers, and then flipped back the other side, “Come on up here, Jen, its kinda cool this morning. Might as well be warm and comfortable.”
Not even hesitating as if this was the offer he had been anticipating, Jensen settled himself next to Jared, close enough for their legs to brush under the thick down comforter and thousand count bed sheets. Never let it be said that Jared didn’t know how to outfit a bed. He slept in comfort. But Jensen didn’t fool himself into believing that was the real reason he had slept so well. “You’re kinda a gropy bastard when you sleep, Padalecki.”
Raising an eyebrow in mock aggravation Jared shot back, “Hey, whatever, Ackles, you were all over me like a bad prom date, dude. I could hardly breathe. Thought I was gonna have to push you out on the floor.” His head dropped sideways to look at his friend, loving that things were this light and easy this morning.
Jensen nudged his shoulder with his own and grunted. “Whatever. You loved it.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I kinda did.” His voice came out soft and warm, and an answering warmth curled through Jensen’s belly, deep and encompassing.
“Me too. I might be able to get used to it. If I tried really hard, of course.” He quipped, but his own voice was husky and just a tiny bit uncertain still.
Sometimes Jared wondered what had broken Jensen before he knew him. What had made him question anyone who cared. Jared wanted to know, wanted to break that person in so many ways. Jensen was so good inside, so loyal and caring, but he never believed he deserved or would receive the same in return. Well, Jared would fix that, mend that piece of his friend, his love, that someone else had chipped away, and he would bide his time until he found out who had hurt him this way and make them sorry. He always felt a little twinge in his gut when he saw that sense of uncertainty, that feeling of unworthiness surface in Jensen. Maybe, just maybe he could fix it.
“Hmm. I know I could. I aint gonna lie, Jense. I slept like a baby last night. And the one time I did wake up and found a whole lotta you pressed against a whole lotta me, it felt just right. I didn’t want morning to come. I was afraid you were gonna skitter off like a frightened baby deer, and I don’t want that.”
Jensen’s face flushed more and he silently cursed his fair skin, “What do you want, Jay?”
“Kinda wanna wake up with you next to me, Jen. Wanna know that you aren’t gonna run out on me. That I can kiss you when I wake up and touch you whenever I want. I want you. Been wanting you for a long time now, but I’ve been scared to ruin everything by wanting too much, I guess.” Jared watched Jensen’s face for any telltale signs of what he was feeling, because he knew if something spooked him, Jensen could close up quick and it would be a long road back if he got those walls up before Jared could slip inside with him.
Jensen felt his stomach dip and swoop and closed his eyes tight for a moment, letting the feeling in his stomach settle for a moment. Hell, was it even possible for him to get this much? For Jensen Ackles to get everything handed to him like this without a fight? Well, maybe it had been a fight. Certainly he had waited a long patient time for this. Maybe it was time for things to work out just right for him. But the thought of actually having Jared, of Jared wanting him was a lot overwhelming. But his mama hadn’t raised any fools and when he opened his eyes to see his best friend looking back, hope and want and maybe even more shining back at him? He was gonna reach out and take this, hold tight to it and pray for it to be real.
So he did. He reached out, took Jared’s coffee cup without saying a word. Laid them both on the bedside table, along with his glasses, and then grasped that beloved face between both his hands and let himself hope. He leaned forward and touched his lips softly to Jared’s, brushed his own back and forth, letting the soft skin of both their mouths slide together lightly.
He heard Jared’s quick intake of breath and his lips parted in tandem. They stayed like that, not moving, just breathing in each other’s air for long moments.
Jared was reminded again of that skittish deer and he waited, tamped down the need to grasp, to pull Jensen in and devour his mouth, taste everything that mouth had to offer before moving to every other body part in turn. He held himself still, letting Jensen lead this dance, just let Jensen take what he needed and wanted for now. As long as he stayed, the rest would come.
After what could have been a minute or an hour, Jensen’s hand slid into Jared’s hair, sliding to cup the back of his head and his lips trailed softly over all that gorgeous skin, skimming over high cheekbones and soft eyelashes, cleft of his chin and hard jawline. Then he pulled Jared down into the bedding and smiled at him before turning and letting himself be drawn back into strong arms, letting himself be little spoon and not minding at all.
“So, like…you want us to be like…fuck buddies?” Jensen’s voice didn’t come out as nonchalant as he had intended and he was glad he wasn’t facing Jared. Jensen was used to being wanted for the way he looked, it was easy and comfortable. But he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to handle that with Jared, would be unable to settle.
Jared tensed, he wanted so much more, and from the sound of Jensen’s voice made him wonder if he didn’t as well. He wasn’t willing to let this slip away now that he was so close to getting what he wanted. “No. I want you, Jen. Of course I want you, I couldn’t really lie about that now, could I? But I want you, all of you. I want us to be all we have been but more. I want…everything, I guess.”
As much as the idea scared Jensen, he wanted it to happen so much his heart hurt a little. He was afraid to let himself believe that was even possible. But he refused to let his fear ruin this before it even got started. He had waited too long to let his insecurity and uncertainty keep him from getting it as long as Jared was willing to give it. He burrowed closer to the warm, firm body behind him, hugging the hope tight within.
“Sleep, Jared. Then, we can make that first wish come true, we can wake up together. Then maybe we will see about a few of the others, ok?” He breathed out the words quietly in the still room. “But, let’s take it slow, ok? Please just give me time.”
Jared’s heart was pounding so hard he was afraid it was literally trying to escape his chest to get directly to Jensen as he pulled him in tight, fitting him perfectly into the curve of his own body. He laid his mouth against the curve of Jensen’s neck, and smiled for all he was worth, breathing in his new lover.
“K, Jen. Whatever you say.”
Jared lay there, holding Jensen in his arms and soaking in the feeling of contentment and right that flooded his body and mind. Nothing had ever felt so completely perfect in his life. He wanted to stay awake and enjoy the moment, fear that it might be snatched away making him wary, but lethargy stole over him and sleep won out.
chap 8
~~~~~~~
master post/all chaps here